Submitted by Roger McCoy

Roll a D20 to determine what to do on your date with a Jem’Hadar! If things go well, you’ll make sure your date with a First won’t be the date that’s your last.

1.       Go out to dinner. While your Jem’Hadar companion likely doesn’t eat, they may have fond memories of eating in their adolescence. What did your companion like to eat? Can your feeble digestive system give it a shot? You may get some bonus points if you can take Ketracel white-hot sauce.

2.       Marvel at the glory of the Founders. This can lead to endless albeit repetitive conversations.

3.       Play hide and seek. Jem’Hadar love an excuse to shroud.

4.       Discuss the superiority of the Gammas. Tread lightly: You may need to adjust this if your date is an Alpha.

5.       Review a list of “Things to Do Before You Turn 20” and see what they’d like to do. Reviewing a list of things to do before you turn 30 (or older) may be perceived as in bad taste for a Jem’Hadar.

6.       Hang out with friends. Your Jem’Hadar companion is likely to be at his most content among his regiment, and if you wanna be his lover, you gotta get with his friends.

7.       Go shopping for standing desks. Jem’Hadar aren’t much for chairs.

8.       Take a pottery class. Be ready to duck whenever your date says he’s about to throw.

9.       Sing karaoke. This one can be a hard sell, but they’ll have a blast singing songs of praise to the Founders.

10.   Vouch for the loyalty of your men. This can create common ground since his men are likely loyal as well.

11.   Talk about them. Do they hope to be First one day? What would they do if they were First? If your date seems receptive, you can flirt by saying they’re always First in your book, and then you can tell them what a book is.

12.   Exercise together. If a jog or hitting the gym is a little too intimidating, try something where your Jem’Hadar companion may need to learn a new skill, such as surfing.

13.   Go to an art gallery. Much like the Vorta, the Jem’Hadar have no need for a sense of aesthetics, so you can tell them whether paintings are good or not.

14.   Go through a “Where’s Waldo” book. (“Where’s Wally” for Jem’Hadar outside the United States and Canada, which is probably all of them.) Jem’Hadar have excellent eyesight and enjoy showing off how well they can spot their prey. After you find Waldo/Wally, you can search for Spock! 

15.   Play a board game. It may be best to refer to it as an “EMP-proof portable tactical simulation.”

16.   Go into battle to reclaim your lives. As of this moment, you are all dead.

17.   Make fun of the Vorta. The Vorta and the Jem’Hadar are nothing alike, other than being guided by the perfect hand of the Founders. Be careful to limit your remarks to Vorta behavior and not their design.

18.   Volunteer. How can you help fulfill the will of the Founders? Is there a park that they would like cleaned, a regiment they want eliminated, or a hatchery in need of forced labor? Be prepared to dedicate a good amount of time to this, but it’ll be worth it when you see the look on your date’s face is largely unchanged but they haven’t attempted to kill you.

19.   Mini golf. Everyone loves mini golf.

20.   Go to a ketracel-white dispensary. Remember that your system may not be as amenable to ketracel-white as a Jem’Hadar’s, so check with a doctor before partaking. Remember, winners don’t do drugs, and victory is life.

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